Over Christmas, when my family was moving Grandmama to Dallas, my father told me that my cousin Allison was a better person to accompany Grandmama in the car because she is a good comforter. I can do it if I need to, but she's better. I think that's a fair assessment, but I'm growing up and learning.
Tonight a friend called me, upset and feeling sat upon by another aquaintance. I listened to her complaints, tried my best to understand and validate her feelings, and offered to intermediate. This is not a role I would normally adopt for myself, but it needed to be done, so I did it. Moreover, I'm proud of my ability to step into the gap where I was needed.
Years ago, maybe 5, maybe 10, in my parents' house I found a little book about how best to help people when they need to talk about their problems. Listen. Validate. Don't try to fix it for them. Wait until they're ready, then suggest ways for them to solve their own problems. These are the guidelines I try to follow, and I am pleased that they seem to work. The best thing about them is that they're really easy. I don't have to say the right thing, or even anything at all most of the time. All I have to do is listen and understand, and I think I've gotten passably good at that. In fact, I'd have to say that whatever my faults, however selfish I can be, I always come through when I'm needed. Listening is perhaps the greatest gift I can give my friends.
Post a comment